If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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