There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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