and she was petting her beer can
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
