I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
