Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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