porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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