smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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