I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
