Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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