im six kinds of drunk right now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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