I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize