absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
