I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
