Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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