he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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