4 words: hood of his car
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
