It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
