It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
