so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
