Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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