Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
