If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
