dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
