I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
