if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
