i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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