Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
