guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
