i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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