apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
