Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
