I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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