I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
