Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
