Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm too high and old for this...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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