i jhust puked up my retainher.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
