the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize