i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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