Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize