you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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