so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
