Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
