I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
