My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
