i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
