why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
