i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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