K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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