So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
