Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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