Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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