She is in my trunk
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
