If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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