if i can run in heels then i can drive
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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