Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
