I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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