smell my finger.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
