enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
