mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize