Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm too high and old for this...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
