Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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