I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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