he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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