tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
