We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize