remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
