When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
