I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
