I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
