Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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