Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
