I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
