im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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