Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
