I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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