Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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