my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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