so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
