There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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