bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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