Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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