Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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