You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
