dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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