I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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