Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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