nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize