we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
