I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
