Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
