i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
