i think i have two assholes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
